a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
