I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
