my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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