I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
