I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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