hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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