Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
