i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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