it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The air was thick with penises
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
