Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
