Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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