so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
