Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize