Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
