Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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