Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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