"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
