There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
