Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
