Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
