do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
