One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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