Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
