He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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