I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
