the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
