i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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