i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We need a shit load of segways right now
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
