my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
