Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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