try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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