The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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