After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
