the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
