He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
