Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
