Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
