Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
