i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
