We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
