so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
