from now on my penis is your penis
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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