That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
