Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
