he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
