my vag is so smooth its legendary
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
