Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
