youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i think i have herpe
just one?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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