Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
