It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
