just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
